on using the negative.

my husband's old film camera's, nikon d50 digital

My observations have led me to believe this: when we get hurt or scared (especially when we are scared), those experiences are expressed in one of two ways-sadness or anger.

I'm an anger girl. That's my go to emotion whenever the less fun experiences pop up.

I have worked a long time-am still working-on ways to express that anger in healthy ways. Not in the usual stony silence or explosive accusations ways and my personal favorite, righteous indignation (yeah, not pretty. Not fun admitting either but there ya go...).

I've become aware enough to step away from those patterns and see when I'm falling into the old anger habits and can move in another direction. This is a good thing. The problems come up when I see the old habits, I acknowledge that I don't want to continue those old habits but I'm not sure how to move away from the old habits. That's usually when I start berating myself because I 'should' know better and I 'should' be stronger and I've started a joy rebel army for gods sake. So now I've got self loathing on top of the anger which is really just my cover for fear.

I make for a fun dinner date when in that mode, let me tell you.

If you haven't guessed already, that also means that often, I get stuck in all that mess and don’t make any movement at all. I sit there, mentally and physically as I grapple with all the stuff that’s literally draining my energy.

That to me is the worst feeling in the world: feeling helpless against my emotions.

So I was stuck in the death spiral the other day when it dawned on me…I didn’t always handle anger this way. I remembered times when I would go for a walk or clean the house or something when I was feeling yucky. That physical movement seemed to facilitate a mental movement and I was usually able to work out whatever was going on internally and figure out a next step. Maybe I needed to talk it out with a friend or confront someone who hurt me or maybe I gained a different perspective during all that physical activity and was able to let the anger/fear go.

Instead of feeling victimized by emotions, I felt empowered by them.

And then I started thinking of all the tools available to me now that I didn’t have then. I didn’t paint or take photographs like I do now. I didn’t have dogs that I could play in the backyard with. I didn’t own a bike that I could ride around my neighborhood. I also didn’t have as much knowledge spiritually and emotionally then as I do now. Yet, I’d taken a step backwards in how I handled the yucky stuff in my life.

This is where I think our natural instincts have so much to teach us. While I was much less knowledgeable 10-15 years ago, I intuitively knew what I needed to process my emotions and followed that guidance.

I’ve said before and I’ll probably repeat this a billion more times but being a joy rebel for me is about being authentic. And I am learning that being authentic often has much more to do with what my intuitive guidance tells me and not what I’ve learned in books. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve have gotten so much out of what I’ve learned through books or mentors or experiences.

However, I think I’d like to get back to the place where that knowledge supports my guidance, not drown it out.

The energy of fear or anger or frustration is the same for me now as it was back then. I felt that energy then and let it propel me forward, I feel that energy now and let it suck me down. It’s as simple as making a choice on which direction I’d like that energy to flow.

So I did some yoga. As I was holding chair pose for 5 breaths, my legs shaking, my perspective on the situation shifted and I was able to see it in a different light.

Seeing it in a different light prompted a next step and simple as that, I was back to feeling empowered. And my butt got a little firmer in the process.

Pretty cool huh?

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on how to process the feelings that we’ve deemed negative. What works for you?? Or have you thought about it? What do you think could work for you??

p.s. Tinkerbell, you are the recipient of the joy rebel print giveaway! Please contact me at brandi [at] brandireynoldsphoto [dot] com for all the details.